I feel as if there is so much left to my day. My parents will soon ascend the stairs to their rest in the room adjacent to mine. MY ROOM, my living space. i feel so unwelcome after hours, being a night owl. I work the night shift an hour away, how can I help it when I don’t leave the mountain until 10 o’clock. Oh yeah, I work at a ski resort. shelter for the most unwilling of coworkers. But then again this has been my only legal job ever so I have no experience to compare. I worked the carpet today watching countless irresponsible beginners fall halfway up and agitatively when they are to be standing STILL on the conveyor belt. How does that even happen? I kept thinking this one instructor with a multicolored hood protruding from her identifying uniform kept catching me peering in her direction. She was cute„ It was mostly her persistent smile. And I thought about how cute girls are so desensitized to asshole men. Actually almost beyond desensitized, now just unardently annoyed. I formulated a rebuttal to a wry response to my interest and friendliness. It went something like this: I don’t like the term “hitting on you,” it sounds so violent. I’m not one of those self righteous frat boys who are looking for a good nut. You intrigue me as a human, which should say a lot (enjoy this friendliness). I would be this playful with a man of my interest if I knew most men weren’t ingrained with homophobic entitlements.” and its true, I would kiss a boy if i felt truly comfortable within his presence. I’m not necessarily as OPEN to the possibility as I’m just not AFRAID of it. But speaking of guys, I DID meet a cool-ass one today. Derek, I worked with him. At first a seemingly laidback guy, when my trip to rainbow somehow leaked out into the oil of our conversation it was confirmed. Total deadhead and traveler. We talked of music and the abomination of genre names, the difference between Phish and the Grateful Dead. I also quoted the book Cunt, that I happened to be reading in front of him earlier, to bring up the fallacy of our social system… one cool-ass nigga if I may repeat myself. ONE COOL-ASS NIGGA.
Now let’s see if I can feel the sandman’s weights enough to doze off before 6;30 in the AM like I recovered from a few hours before my shift this day. I want tomorrow to be productive.
humans are so cute, when we say goodbye we put our arms around each other and to show we love someone we bring them flowers. we say hello by holding each other’s hand, and sometimes tiny little dewdrops form in our eyes. for pleasure we listen to arrangements of sounds, press our lips together, smoke dried leaves, get drunk off of old fruit. we’re all just little animals, falling in love and having breakfast beneath billions of stars :~)
With this never ending sadness, why do I get out of bed??